Jason Is Just A Regular Guy Who Loves Weed And Lives in Brooklyn. Read His Manifesto
A Formidable Daughter
Hi Ann. I saw your art show. It was...wonderful. We liked it a lot. The paintings were very well done. Your dad and I are very proud of you--we told Grandpa about it. And he perked up when we were describing some of the different pieces. I was laughing when I told him about the chair. Yeah, the chair with the baby--what’s her name? Coopertone? Oh, Coppertone. No, I didn’t tell Grandpa about that part of it, he wouldn’t have understood. One thing dad was asking me, and I didn’t know what to tell him, was if it was supposed to represent our old house in Towson. No? Ok, so what does it represent? Ok, it doesn’t have to represent anything. But doesn’t all art...ok, I’ll stop, I’m just interested. Another thing was how you took those drawings and those old home videos from when you were younger and turned them into art. Well, because it allowed me to see them differently--I might have just brushed them off before. The idea of being a woman has always fascinated you. That comes through in all of the pieces. It made me think about how surreal childhood sexuality is, when you’re trying to know what it is to be a woman, or to be a sexual being, the darkness and messiness of that space comes through. Or how, as a woman, you have to grapple with an attraction to the way women are represented in images but also how false it all is. I can remember how your eyes would be glued to the TV and we could tell that you were thinking about these things. Even from a young age you were, what’s the word? Formidable. Well, we loved that about you. And, Ann, I saw that you had the video about giving birth to a baby, so does that mean that you’re thinking of...Ok, Ok, I’m sorry, I just had to ask.
Physical Contractions, 2015
Digital Video
A Formidable Daughter, 2016
Digital 8 mm Video
Xanxia, 2016
Colored pencil and graphite on paper, artist's frame
Poopertone Girl, 2016
Chair, acrylic, ink
When I look in the mirror…who do I see?, 2016
Acrylic on canvas
ann annie ANN, 2016
Acrylic on canvas
Part of Your World, 2016
Acrylic on canvas
The Imitation Game, 2016
Etched wax, slime
Ann Mirsch Collector's Item, 2016
Dye sublimation print on crushed velvet, yarn, charms, ball
Ann Mirsch Field Sport, 2016
Dye sublimation print on polyfleece, yarn, charms, ball
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Gave myself 5 minutes to orgasm as many times as possible in front of a live audience
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It's 4:30pm on a Wednesday. I am tired from a long day at my Jewish Day School. Krista, my beautiful nineteen-year-old British Au-Pair, picks me up.
"I don't want to go," I whine to Krista.
"I know, it's just one hour though Ann."
Krista drives me to a suburban neighborhood lined with moderately sized houses on small plots of land. Towards the back of this development is a brick house, with a perfectly manicured lawn. Krista stops in the driveway.
"Your dad will come get you when it's over."
I open the door slowly and look around. I pray none of the neighborhood kids will see me. Surely, they will know what I'm doing here. They will think I'm pathetic. Coming here is supposed to help me, and I have noticed when I leave I often feel free from the typical anxieties that plague me. But that doesn’t take away from the social stigma of my needing help.
The coast is clear and I run to the side of the house, down a short staircase, and open the door, which is unlocked, for me.
I'm in a small beige waiting room, now a familiar place. I sit in a large cream chair and open up the newest issue of Architectural Digest, prominently displayed on a wooden side table.
After a few minutes I hear footsteps through the wall and then a click. A door to another room opens slightly. An elegant woman, a little older than my mother, with blonde wavy hair and large eyes beckons to me. It is Dr. Guttman.
"Come on in, Annie," she purrs. Her voice is soothing and exotic, she won't tell me where she is from. She doesn't tell me anything about herself. It's not allowed.
I follow her into her office. In the front part, there is a large leather chair and a green velvet reclining chaise. I walk past the front to the back of her large office, where there is a small white table, two chairs, stacks of paper, and scores of colored markers.
"What would you like to do today, Annie?" Dr. Guttman says to me, as though she doesn't already know the answer.
"Draw," I tell her.
I take a piece of paper and begin a drawing the same way I’ve begun the others before it. A peach oval. Large blue eyes. Long brown hair. A red halter top and largely flared jeans. Platform shoes.
“It’s beautiful, Annie,” Dr. Guttman tells me. She takes the finished drawing and opens a large grey drawer. She places the drawing inside of the drawer along with the thousands of others that are exactly like it, already inside.
~
I recently found a notebook filled with dozens of drawings that I had produced in the office of Dr. XXX Guttman, a child therapist and psychoanalyst. The notebook was just one cache of the literally thousands of drawings I had produced in Dr. Guttman's office. Looking back now, I was struck by the obsessive repetition of the drawings – all young women who were beautiful, happy, and wearing the hippest clothes. I knew that producing these drawings was deeply therapeutic for me at the time but why? It wasn't until I realized that I am essentially still doing the same thing in much of my art that it began to click. Then and now, I continually represent women – women's bodies, women's clothes, and, more recently, my own female genitalia – as a way to reconcile my own position as a woman in a complex, often hostile world. How is a woman supposed to appear? And how do I fit into that? In Dr. Guttman's Office, I reproduce several of these notebook drawings as larger-scale paintings and place them alongside recent drawings and videos to, on the one hand, expand this exploration and, on the other, continue the therapeutic process I set upon with Dr. Guttman.
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Porn Foley Performance
PW: annhirsch
Muffy
May 16 - June 26, 2014
…chained by her neck to a blob creature with a thick, worm-like tongue, a petite woman in a gold bikini top and flimsy purple loin cloth is held against her will...when the blob pulls the shackle around her neck, the woman's slight body violently jerks back and presses taut against the slimy ridges of the blob creature’s skin…she closes her eyes……somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, a young girl in white underwear opens her eyes…she is sitting in her lavender bedroom, enjoying the stirring feeling she’s noticing in her body…the girl ties her neck to a giant stuffed bear with a long ribbon…she thinks, "there’s nothing i can do now…i am his slave forever…"
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Playground
A two person play commissioned by Rhizome.org at the New Museum
lieshadow
: Hi Anni.
XoaNNioX
: hi
lieshadow
: Do you know who I am?
XoaNNioX
: yea ur jobe from 12
lieshadow
: Yes I am. You hang out there a lot too.
XoaNNioX
: I like that every1 is around my age and just talks about whatever
lieshadow
: Yes, it’s good to have a space you feel comfortable in.
XoaNNioX
: u have a big reputation in 12
lieshadow
: What do you think of me and my “reputation”, as you put it?
XoaNNioX
: every1 in the chat says ur like a hacker or something. but i dun kno u
lieshadow
: Do you want to know me?
XoaNNioX
: maybe
lieshadow
: I’d like to know more about you, if you’re willing. You seem cool in the chat.
XoaNNioX
: thanks :) wat do u want to kno?
lieshadow
: Do you go to school?
XoaNNioX
: yes duh
lieshadow
: Do you like school?
XoaNNioX
: it is a lot of work but i like it
lieshadow
: What's your favorite subject?
XoaNNioX
: math. wat is ur fav subject in school? r u in school?
lieshadow
: No, I'm done with school now. I never liked school.
XoaNNioX
: y not?
lieshadow
: The other kids made fun of me because I was a geek. Eventually, I was homeschooled.
XoaNNioX
: how long ago was that?
lieshadow
: Anni…are you trying to ask me my age?
lieshadow
:
XoaNNioX
: yes. there is a rumor in 12 ur old
lieshadow
: I am old. I’m 27. All you had to do was ask. I’m an open book :)
lieshadow
: Have you ever kissed a boy, Anni?
XoaNNioX
: ugh why do u talk like this it freaks me out
lieshadow
: Talk like what?
XoaNNioX
: like with all proper typing n stuff
lieshadow
: That is the correct way to type. But don't change the topic.
XoaNNioX
: no. i never kissed a boy
lieshadow
: Do you want to?
XoaNNioX
: yea i guess so. im just scared
lieshadow
: Why are you scared?
XoaNNioX
: cuz..what if im bad at it?
lieshadow
: You won't be.
XoaNNioX
: have u ever kissed a girl?
lieshadow
: Yes. I've kissed many girls. And much more than that.
XoaNNioX
: like who? heat??
lieshadow
: No, not Heather. I had a girlfriend for two years. We did lots of things.
XoaNNioX
: like sex??
lieshadow
: Yes, we had sex.
XoaNNioX
: do u like sex?
lieshadow
: Yes, I very much enjoy having sex.
XoaNNioX
: is it hard?
lieshadow
: No. Anyone can have sex. Even me :)
XoaNNioX
: i hope i will some day
lieshadow
: Not too soon. You should stay a virgin as long as you can.
XoaNNioX
: y?
lieshadow
: You don't want people to think you are a slut. Men will want you more if they think they cannot have you.
lieshadow
: Well…Heather and I…we're over.
XoaNNioX
: wat?
lieshadow
: It's really done this time.
XoaNNioX
: really really?
lieshadow
: Yes really done. No more chances. She's had all her chances. I'm through.
XoaNNioX
: wat happened?
lieshadow
: Oh, I caught her cheating red handed just as I suspected. So, of course, I call her out on it, and even have proof, and she just mocks me. So I call her house and her mother answers and says Heather doesn't want to talk to me. So that was it for me,
XoaNNioX
: was she cheating on u with sum1 online or offline?
lieshadow
: Does it matter?
XxoaNNioX
: i guess not
lieshadow
: This is for the best.
XoaNNioX
: i agree. i think this is a really good thing! u can finally move on
lieshadow
: Yes, I'm looking forward to that.
XoaNNioX
: me too
lieshado
w: A few months ago I don't think I could have. But I think I'll be able to now.
XoaNNioX
: really?
lieshadow
: Yes. You've helped me get over her. In more ways than one.
XoaNNioX
: hows that?
lieshadow
: You've been so nice to me and so good. Not like Heather. And I still like you, I still want to talk to you even though you're nice to me.
XoaNNioX
: see, being nice is good too :)
lieshadow
: Yes, you've taught me that.
lieshadow
: I like you, Anni. I like you a lot.
XoaNNioX
: i like you too
lieshadow
: I mean, I like you as more than just a friend, although you have been a very good friend to me. I think you're beautiful inside and out.
XoaNNioX
: really?
lieshadow
: Yes.
XoaNNioX
: i like u 2. as more than just a friend ;x
lieshadow
: You don't have to say that just because I did. I will really understand if you don’t think you can like someone as pathetic and fucked up as me.
XoaNNioX
: no! i really do like u. i like u a lot.
lieshadow
: I'm so happy to hear you say that.
XoaNNioX
: :)
lieshadow
: I know that soon I'll forget about Heather. I am starting to like you so much more.
XoaNNioX
: really? wow
lieshadow
: Yes Anni.
lieshadow
: Will you be just mine, alone? No other boys?
XoaNNioX
: like ur gf?
lieshadow
: Yes. My girlfriend.
XoaNNioX
: yes! :)
lieshadow
: :)
lieshadow
: There are so many things I can teach you.
XoaNNioX
: like wat?
lieshadow
: Oh, you'll find out soon enough.
XoaNNioX
: give me a hint!
lieshadow
: Haha so eager.
XoaNNioX
: kind of hehe
lieshadow
: I just want to make love to you so badly.
XxoaNNioX
: me too :)
lieshadow
: I am kissing you hard, holding your head in my hands.
XoaNNioX
: im circling my tongue with yours
lieshadow
: I love feeling your little tits under your shirt. They are the perfect size. They fit right into my hands.
XoaNNioX
: well, hehe they might actually be a bit smaller than that ;\
lieshadow
: All I need is a mouthful :)
XoaNNioX
: really?
lieshadow
: Yes, they're perfect.
XoaNNioX
: i am unzipping your pants. im givin u a blowjob
lieshadow
: That feels good, Anni.
lieshadow
: I'm touching myself.
XoaNNioX
: me too
lieshadow
: What are you doing?
XoaNNioX
: im touching my pussy
lieshadow
: Are you rubbing your clit?
XoaNNioX
: yes im rubbing it
lieshadow
: I want to lick your clit and make you cum
XoaNNioX
: that feels good
lieshadow
: I love when you put me in your mouth.
XoaNNioX
: i will
lieshadow
: Oh Anni. You're so special to me.
XoaNNioX
: ur special to me too.
Playground for Rhizome photographed by Oresti Tsonopolous
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y2K Dreams
Jason Biddies Decays
Ana Alvarez:
You have made some YouTube videos sharing moments of your life. We have seen Jason cleaning the toilet. Why have you shared these moments? Who is Jason?
Jason Biddies:
Jason is me, man. Just a regular dude living in Brooklyn, trying to get by, have a nice life, meet some ladies, hang out with my bros, smoke some weed, doing my thing.
I make videos of my life because WHY NOT? Why the hell not you know? I’m proud of who I am and I want everyone to know it. And a lot of guys I know can’t clean a fucking toilet. And that is disgusting. But they NEED to know because the ladies will come over to hang, chill or get freaky and they will get turned off by that toilet. So I’m trying to help my bros. Just let them know, it’s simple, man, you can do it. You don’t need your mom to do it. That’s what I’ve been learning every day. It’s about coming of age as a MAN.
Ana Alvarez:
How do you relate to your masculinity? Would you call yourself a "tough guy"?
Jason Biddies:
Am I a tough guy? I wish. I’m just a regular bro. Sometimes I act tough but you know it can be an act. I have to be realistic cause you know I’m kind of small. So I have to act a lot with my words. But I try to be strong, protect the ladies I’m with, bro down with my bros, be chill. No room for pussies in my world, just no room. Always be confident. But I know my limits too and I don’t go out there TRYING to fight people because I might get beat up. I’m scrappy though. So if I had to fight someone I would. But I’m not into fighting really anyways. I’m more of a lover. Love my friends, family, haha and some girls.
Ana Alvarez:
Have you considered exploring performance art? Do you see yourself as a performer?
Jason Biddies:
I live in South Brooklyn and there’s so many artsy kids here I can’t escape them. And I used to be so annoyed by them but one night I went to this thing a friend of me invited me to. She was doing “performance art” at this bar and people were gonna get naked and there were going to be half priced drinks so I was like fuck yea naked chicks and drinks so I went. And you know, it really inspired me. It was like all these people just doing crazy shit and taking chances and not giving a fuck.
I have demons, we all wrestle with demons. So I was at that bar chatting with the girl who organized it because she got naked and she looked pretty cute and then she invited me to do it too. And I was like Lady, I’m not getting naked though! Haha, the world is not ready for that! She said I could do whatever I wanted so yea the next week I came back and tried it out, got out some of my aggression, some of my feelings and overall it was pretty awesome. I’d do it again sometime but you know I’m not like a professional like some of these people. Like some of these people are really crazy and do the most fucked up shit but I just try to keep it simple so yea maybe again I’ll do it in the future.
Ana Alvarez:
Tell us about the people in your life. Do you have a special someone? Whats your relationship with your family?
Jason Biddies:
Girls…I love girls. All different kind of girls. But I will be honest with you. I am a sensitive guy. I like hooking up with girls and everything, lots of different cute ones but also there is the part of me that just wants to have that chill chick who will watch Simpsons with me on a Saturday night. So I have been seeing this awesome chick, Emily. She’s so small and super cute and has a big ass and I love that. But she’s also the awesomest chick ever and can just chill, hang out. But you know, I don’t like to put labels on things so right now it’s just whatever and we’ll just see what happens.
For example, not ready for her to meet my family. That’s a big step. And I love my family, we’re really tight. I have two sisters and a brother and 30 cousins and we all hang out whenever I get back to Allentown. It’s a party all the time, they’re cool people.
Ana Alvarez:
You mention enjoying a toke or two from time to time. Tell us about your favorite "high moments." Did you ever have any revelations while smoking weed?
Jason Biddies:
For me, smoking the ganja weed has little to do with going deep. It's all about staying chill. I'm an anxious dude so I use it just to keep me level. Keep my head on right instead of tweaking out. The world is hard, man. Really hard. Gotta stay chill.
Ana Alvarez:
Coming of age as a man, like you mention, can be troubling and disorienting, say with all pressures young men receive to be sexually aggressive, professionally dominant, and economically successful in order to “measure up.” What advice can you give to your fellow male peers who are coming into their own?
Jason Biddies:
Man, you know I wish I could say “Follow your dreams” but I don’t know what the hell my dreams are. My dudes, they don’t have dreams. How can you follow your dreams when you don’t have any? I just want to be happy and shit but in the long term, I don’t know how I’m going to do that. Is that the ol’ family and kids shit? Maybe. I can’t even think of that stuff right now, seems out of my universe. Find a job you’re passionate about. I hate work. I just want to chill with my bros. I don’t want life to be hard. I have some figuring out to do. All I can do is hope I am led down a happy path. But I don’t know where that path is. Money? A regular life? Is that what I want? What is the alternative for a bro like me? Live in the woods? Be a hippy? I don’t fucking know.
Ana Alvarez:
What are Jason Biddie’s dreams made of? What keeps you up at night? Besides the ladies, of course.
Jason Biddies:
Which leads me to say, my dream is to find my dream. My dream is to find out who I am, what I love, what makes me happy. If that’s money then fuckin I got to make money. If it’s smoking pot then yea I’ll keep doing that for as long as I can. If it’s contributing to society in some productive way…then yea I’ll do that. I’m young, I have time.
Interviewed by Ana Alvarez for Topical
Cream
Lights performance photographed by Oresti Tsonopolous
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BDD
Body dysmorphic disorder (
BDD
, also known as
body dysmorphia; originally
dysmorphophobia
)
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